So I haven’t updated my blog in over 2 months, with good
reason. So much has happened since my last post and up until now I haven’t been
ready to recount it all, but as 2015 draws to a close and 2016 is just around
the corner, now is the time to accept the past and look forward to the future.
The Chiltern and Thames Championships were my next big event
after my last post. My sister Chloe came over from France the same week to
groom and support me. Guinness warmed up exceptionally calmly and made me so
proud in his first test. His first time in the big indoor arena at Bury Farm
and he was calm, collected and 100%
concentrating on me, like I’d never known before. We broke into canter in the
medium trot, but I didn’t care, I was so proud of him! I had hired a stable for
the day so after we’d all had a rest and some lunch, I brought Guinness out to
warm up for his second test, but something wasn’t right. He didn’t want to go
forward in trot, and whenever I pushed him on a bit more he just kept breaking
in to canter. I had to withdraw from the elementary and I was devastated to say
the least. I just couldn’t understand what was wrong?! Had he trodden on a
stone? Pulled something? The final class was the one I’d put all my effort
into, the dressage to music class, and was planning on fulfilling a lifelong
dream of doing a dressage freestyle to the music from Black beauty, on my very
own, Black beauty look alike. Unsure of what to expect, I tacked Guinness up,
and hoped for the best. Although I took it easy in the warm up, Guinness seemed
ok as long as I kept the circles big. So I nursed him around my test without
pushing it at all and just kept him long and low and managed to come away with
a 7th.
After that I just walked Guinness on hacks in straight lines
and Chloe rode Hero out with me a few times which was nice. I had a week’s
holiday coming up and the day before I left I took Guinness in the school and
he felt as lame as before. I gave him the week off and when he was no better
after his rest, I contacted the physio and then the vet. It wasn’t good news
and I had a very tough decision to make. This is what I wrote to say goodbye.
07.12.15 Goodbye my friend
It is with huge sadness that I have to say goodbye to my
friend, partner and teacher of the last 6 years, Guinness. Guinness has
suffered with a multitude of problems since I got him at just 4 years old and
over the past month, with the change in weather and his increasing age, his
arthritis is such that he is no longer comfortable to trot, or walk down any
form of slope. I wish a long and happy retirement were possible for my
beautiful boy but without the physiotherapy schooling gives to provide his
arthritic neck with support, it is mine and my closest vets and physio’s
opinion, that retirement would mean, further more frequent neck issues
including locking and muscle spasms. I just can’t bear the thought of him being
out in the field one day and being in pain and alone or his legs giving way
underneath him because of his wobblers.
I will miss his cheeky face over the door, how he tried to
bite and kick me when being brushed, how nervous I felt before every
competition warm up and how proud I felt after every class. It was only August
when I passed over the cross country finish line at Aston le Walls, in the
pouring rain and sideways wind, streaming tears of joy because of how proud I
was of my boy and how much I love him. I will miss his beautiful face, kind
eyes and the little white streak in his tail. I will miss his smell, and the
feel of his soft neck on my cheek and velvety muzzle on my face. But most of
all I will miss him as my friend.
I’m grateful he will not have to suffer in his final days
like Donald did and Frosty did right at the end. I’m grateful that he will
never know any different than the life of pampering and luxury he is accustomed
to and the constant attention and love he has known. I’m grateful for all the
excitement we’ve shared and all we have overcome. I’m grateful for all he has
taught me. I’m grateful for hard he has tried to keep going, even when he’s
been uncomfortable. I’m grateful for all the fun we’ve had together over the
last almost 6 years. I’m grateful for all the bucks I’ve learned to sit and
even the few times I’ve ended up on my arse! I’m grateful for all the happiness
he has brought to my life. I only wish we could have more time together, but I
hope he understands that I’m doing my best to put his quality of life before my
own emotional and selfish needs. He truly is one in a million to me, the horse
I dreamed of as a child, my horse or a lifetime, my very own, Black Beauty.
Say hi to Donald, Frosty and Peter for me. I love you so
much and I will miss you every day.
3 weeks has passed since I said goodbye to my horse of a
lifetime, and it hasn’t been easy. Some days are harder than others but I’ve
had phenomenal support from my family, my partner, and my friends. So much
reminds me of him, and I think that’ll always be the case. The day I received
my regional qualification email was one of the hardest, but I’m still confident
I made the right decision.
Since then, many things have changed. My partner has been
offered an amazing job in Los Angeles, and all things considered,
we’ve decided it’s too good of an opportunity to miss! We’ve been engaged for a
long time but this was a great excuse to arrange a last minute wedding so now
it’s all hands on deck! We will be married early in the New Year and then if
everything goes to plan, we will be moving out to LA around April!!! Peroni, my
youngster will go to France to live with the other Adams family clan (Taffy,
Frosty and Beanie) whilst I’m away until he’s old enough to be backed!
Peroni is growing in to such an amazing little horse and all
the groundwork and handling I’ve done so far has really paid dividends. I moved
him from his current yard back to Kevin’s in Seer Green and he walked the 45
minute walk by my side along a busy road like a grown up pony! He was nervous
and curious at times, but he followed my feet as I’d trained him to do and
couldn’t have made me prouder! I’m looking forward to having my first proper
groundwork lesson with him with Sue Edwards next weekend!
So lots is changing and it’s sad, exciting and scary all at
the same time, but life isn’t a dress rehearsal and as I’m waiting for the
clock to chime in an new year, I’m feeling exceptionally grateful for all the
wonderful things and people I’m so lucky to have in my life, and hoping 2016
will be one of the most exciting adventures of my life so far…..
